


Saying Goodbye

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Feels, HIV/AIDS, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:56:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25873225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Brian must say goodbye.
Relationships: Brian May/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Saying Goodbye

Freddie had always seemed so much larger than life.

His smile, his voice, his wit and charm, had always made him appear immortal in every way possible. Brian had always imagined him as a force beyond life, one that could make the reaper cower in fear when the time came around. And even if his fantasies proved to be just as ridiculous as they sounded, then Brian had always thought that the time would come in many years, when they were old and grey. It had been a natural assumption that it wouldn't end so soon, and now that it was, life seemed to be a dream. Brian hoped that, one day, he would awaken from his nightmare, but he never did. In the days following everything that had happened, a rapid decline in health, Brian dread the inevitable. He avoided talking about it, tried to avoid thinking about it at all, but in the end, there was nothing that could be done. 

He entered the home, filled with trepidation. Brian's hands shook and, for a single moment, the walls seemed to warp, distort. He blinked and they were back to normal, but it only made his heart fill with even more fear and loathing. This wasn't supposed to have happened. A part of Brian had always hoped that he'd have died before Freddie because it was all too painful, a living nightmare, having to bid goodbye to the only man to seemed to have opened up the door to the world. 

Delilah was on the couch. She looked up, dark eyes wondering, and it was like she knew. Brian had always suspected, in a way that was totally unlike his usually logical mind, if cats could sense death. If, in some way, Delilah and the others could tell what was going on. Brian pet her back gently, trying to steady his heart, nerves, and the stream of constant, steady thoughts. 

Continuing on, Brian walked up on the stairs. His clogs thumped on the wood, which creaked in protest. It felt like an omen, an imaginary fear that stretched on and on. A part of Brian, a niggling little voice at the back of his mind, wanted to run. Run until his feet bled and no more air could be pulled into his lungs and when things made sense again. It was all too much. Brian wanted to go back, to a time when things could be discerned and when logic ruled and everything has been okay. Now, Brian was sure that nothing would be okay, not ever again.

Freddie was in bed. He looked pale and tired, his hands resting on his stomach, and for one short, terrible moment, Brian thought he was dead. It was ridiculous but not implausible, and he paused in the doorway, heart thudding in his ears. And then Freddie opened his dark eyes and Brian allowed himself to breathe once more. "Hello, Bri. I wasn't expecting you so early." Freddie said. Brian was a little surprised by that statement, considering how much he'd dragged his feet on the way here. "Sorry for waking you." Brian said. "How are you-" Brian stopped before he went any further when Freddie held his hand up quickly, interrupting him as effectively as any words. "Ever since I've gotten sick, all I've heard are people asking me if I was alright. I'm not alright, we all know that. Change of discussion." He said, in as firm of a tone as he could muster. Brian winced. 

"And don't apologize either." Freddie interjected. Brian sighed and nodded, walking over and sitting down on the chair that sat beside the bed. "How bad is it?" Brian asked instead, and Freddie huffed out what might have been a laugh, but it didn't sound like one. "Horrific. Let's talk about something else besides my imminent death." Freddie motioned his hand in the air, as if brushing off an annoying fly.

There lay trouble. Brian didn't know what else to say, and so he just sat there, unable to relax, because chances were that this would prove the last time they would ever see each other. No more studio sessons, no more late nights, no more stargazing or bickering or hanging out or anything. The world would go on, but there would be no more Freddie in it. 

"I saved a mouse yesterday." Brian offered weakly. Freddie smiled and turned his head so that they could look at each other, though it only proved to make Brian's heart hurt that much worse. "Did you? I don't think you've ever changed." Freddie sighed. "Still my sweet Brimi. A mouse, of all little creatures." The nickname felt like a tidal wave. It dislodged Brian's self control, and he instinctively bit his tongue in silent warning. "Oh, don't cry. I'm not even dead yet." Freddie said. It was meant as a joke, but it fell flat in the grim atmosphere. He was dying. Brian would probably never see him again. It was all coming so fast, and with barely a single warning. "Tomorrow...what if you're not here?" Brian whispered. 

"Oh, dear." Freddie reached out. Brian took his hand, entangling their fingers together, happy to have some sort of comfort. It was beyond stupid, really, because Freddie was the one that was _dying_ and Brian was the one needed comfort, but in these moments, it hardly seemed to matter. "I may not be here. I probably won't, but it's all just a matter of life, isn't it? We all die, I'm just going a bit sooner than we expected. It will hurt, and things will be rough, but you will get through it. You always move past, no matter how hard it is. No matter how rough or terrible things are, you have always persevered. I need you to be just as strong as you've always been. Things will change, but I know that you won't." 

Brian grit his teeth together. His eyes were burning in the distinct warning of tears, and he tried to keep it together, because now wasn't the time. Grieving for what he's already lost could come later, now he needed to enjoy this precious time. "Life seems very lonely without you." Brian said. Freddie squeezed his hand, "That's your choice, lovely." He replied. 

The world seemed very dark. 

Lowering his head, Brian fought to regain control of his breathing. He didn't want to awaken the next day to find that his best friend was dead. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life without the man who had changed everything. 

"You'll miss me, and it will hurt, worse than anything, but it's not your time yet, Bri. We will meet again, in the stars. Remember the stars? I will be waiting there." Freddie promised. Brian nodded, "I remember." 

He remembered the stars. He remembered times spent together, just looking at the dark sky and all its children. 

"You've always been in my heart, dear. I know I'm in yours, but you cannot dwell on me, otherwise things will get worse. Just know that you're not alone anymore. You have Rog and Deaky and Anita. It will be horrible for awhile, and then you will realize that it's not all that bad." Freddie smiled, and despite the pain, it was still the same one given several times over the years. " _Live,_ Brian. I will always be here for you, no matter what." 

Brian took a deep breathe. "I miss you already. But don't linger. I don't want you to hurt anymore." 

Freddie sighed, and looked up at the ceiling. "Not for much longer. For me, dear, don't let them think I died of anything else." 

The darkness was still there, but alongside it was light. A bright shine of reassurance. "I won't, Fred. I swear it." 


End file.
